She was
by Amerith
Summary: His first memory was of her. She was a constant in his life. (Sorry for the bad title. It was a last minute thing. This fic is kind of hard to summarize. No pairings, NO MARY-SUE, kind of AU?)


His first memories were of her...  
  
She had long, brown hair and hazel eyes. He always thought of her as being very beautiful, but then...he had never really seen anyone else.  
  
She came every day and stayed with him. She never really spoke to him and she didn't play with him either.  
  
But she was always there, a constant presence in his life.

* * *

As he grew older, he saw less of her. She no longer stayed with him all day, but she still came three times a day to prepare his food and clean up after him.  
  
At one point it was decided that she would take him shopping with her and so she took him outside. He had never been outside before and so everything was new to him. It was a bit frightening, but also exciting. He wanted to stop and look at everything, but she always pulled away and scolded him.  
  
It became routine to take him shopping with her once a month and he was content with that. She left him sitting at the front of the store while she looked for food and he would obey her and sit without moving, because he did not wish to be scolded.  
  
During one of these trips, the routine was interrupted by someone. A boy around the same age as him had taken a seat beside him and began to speak to him.  
  
_"I can't believe you!"_  
  
He was surprised at the voice because no one had ever talked to him before, besides her, and she did not do it very often.  
  
_"What do you mean?"_ he inquired of the boy.  
  
_"Do you always hafta' to do what your mother tells you to do?"_ the boy sneered.  
  
He thought about that word for a moment, but it was unfamiliar to him.  
  
_"What is a mother?"_ he asked.  
  
_"You know! A mother is the person who takes care of you and buys you stuff and....geez, you sure asked a weird question!"_  
  
He thought about her then, and he began to wonder if she was his mother. She took care of him and she bought him things. Maybe she WAS his mother?  
  
_"Is she....my mother?"_ he quietly whispered.  
  
The boy looked at him with an odd expression on his face and stood up.  
  
_"You're strange. What's your name anyways?"_ the boy asked.  
  
_"I don't think I have one yet,"_ he truthfully answered.  
  
With that, the boy left and he sat alone again. Soon after, she came for him and they returned to his apartment. She began putting the food away and he sat at the table, silently watching her.  
  
_"Are you my mother?"  
_  
She winced at his sudden question and dropped a jar of jelly onto the floor, breaking it open. She approached him, anger visible in her eyes, and he vaguely wondered if he had done anything wrong by asking.  
  
_"What did you say?"_ she coldly asked him.  
  
He was afraid of her at that moment, but still....he wanted to know, and so he decided to ask her that question again.  
  
_"Are you my mother?"_  
  
Her hand swiftly smacked his face and he fell out of the chair, onto the floor. Tears of pain spilled down his cheeks. She began to speak then, her words bitter and strained.  
  
_"I'm not your mother, and you are not my son."_  
  
He saw that tears fell down her face as well and vaguely, he wondered why. Did she hit herself as well? Why is she crying?  
  
_"My son! My beautiful baby son!"_ she loudly wept. _"Gone! Gone because of you! All because of you!"_  
  
Her hand rose, as though to slap him once more, but she stopped. For a minute, nobody moved. He was afraid to move and she....could not. Finally she lowered her hand and stood up. She sat at the table silently and would not look at him.  
  
_"Go to your room, child,"_ she softly spoke, a trace of loathing still lingering in her voice.  
  
He stood up and wiped his eyes. _"Can I....can I ask you something?"  
_  
She tensed, but gave him no reply.  
  
_"I want to know. I want to know what my name is."_  
  
There were a few seconds of silence before she finally answered his question.  
  
_"Uzumaki Naruto."  
_  
He nodded and retreated to his room, leaving the woman who was not his mother behind.

* * *

They grew distant from one another. It was not as though they were close to start with, but this was a different kind of distance.  
  
She was not his mother and she didn't care for him. He had to come to understand that and had accepted it.  
  
She was dealing with opened wounds and did not want to be bothered with him, as he was like salt to her.  
  
He grew even older and started school. It was there that he experienced more hatred from others.  
  
He did not understand their hatred, but like her, he grew to accept it. It was easier to accept then ask questions. He knew this all too well.

* * *

He was 6 now and returning home from school. He was surprised to see her waiting at the door for him.  
  
Neither of them spoke for what seemed like quite some time, but she finally chose to break the silence.  
  
_"You are old enough to take care of yourself. You know how to clean and I've bought plenty of ramen, which is easy for you to make. You CAN make ramen, correct?"_  
  
_"Correct,"_ he replied, no trace of emotion in his voice.  
  
She simply nodded and walked past him, out into the street. She turned to speak one last time to him, but he kept his back facing her.  
  
_"I won't be seeing you again. I'm glad."  
_  
He could hear the relief in her voice as she spoke those words and he imagined that she must be smiling right now.  
  
_"Goodbye, Uzumaki Naruto."_  
  
He winced as she said his name aloud. He had only heard his name once before, uttered from her lips.  
  
_"Goodbye.....,"_ he whispered.  
  
She was already too far gone to hear him.

* * *

The house was cold that night, but perhaps it was just him. 

He sat on his bed in a darkened room. Tears ran down his face, but he was unsure why. He does not feel sadness and he does not feel anger. The only feeling that remains is the terrible ache of loneliness in his heart.  
  
He realizes now that he is truly alone.

######################################################

A/N: Well, this was...weird. O.0; I wrote this at 5:00 in the morning. Yeah.. Can't say I'm too proud of it.  
  
For those who couldn't guess the obvious, the nameless woman was Naruto's caretaker.  
  
I wanted to portray some sort of love/hate relationship between the two of them, but it kind of strayed from that. Sorry.  
  
To clear things up about my original fic idea. I wanted this woman to have had a son who died during the kyuubi attack. Let's just say he was about 2 when he died. Anyways, after kyuubi was sealed into Naruto, she was asked to be his caretaker.  
  
As time went on, she began to have feelings toward Naruto as she once did to her own son, but a part of her still despises Naruto and blames him for her son's death. At the point where Naruto questions if she is his mother, she sort of snaps and slaps Naruto.  
  
It was not Naruto she was actually angry with, but herself. She felt as though she was betraying her son by developing motherly feelings for Naruto. And so, she distanced herself from Naruto, and thus, he distanced himself from her. I think deep down inside, Naruto distanced himself as an act of protection for himself and for her. He didn't want to hurt her and he didn't want to hurt himself.  
  
At the end, the caretaker leaves and is finally set free of Naruto. I am unsure of how she felt about him in the end. Naruto, on the other hand, discovers how lonely he is without her. Even if she was not good to him, she was still a constant figure in his life and when she left, he became completely alone.  
  
Well, R&R please. Comments, questions, flames, and death threats are welcomed.


End file.
